The challenge of
adolescence
By
Fr. ROY CIMAGALA
July 30, 2012
Parents of teen-aged
children or those still in high school and early college are really up
to some tricky and difficult challenge these days. I am sure they
would prefer to tackle other kinds of problems than dealing with their
adolescent boys and girls who are in the middle of a dizzying process
of transformation in their lives.
All of a sudden they
discover that their children are becoming independent-minded and even
rebellious, who like to stay out of the house most of the time to be
with their friends, and many times unmindful of schedules and other
responsibilities.
Given the temper of the
times and the increasingly distracting character of the environment,
the challenge parents face with respect to these children has become
complex and complicated indeed.
It’s imperative that parents
be adequately prepared to handle this situation. They should not take
this responsibility for granted. It certainly does no harm to them if
they attend regular parenting formative classes, since there’s always
need for reminders of basic things, let alone, keeping abreast with
pertinent current developments.
For example, they need to
study the implications of the new things that are the common elements
in the adolescents’ lives today – the internet, other gadgets, malls,
fashions, the use of money and free time, etc.
Dealing with the adolescents
is definitely not a matter of controlling them. That is not the way to
bring them up properly. It is more a matter of guiding them, of being
with them to give them those timely pieces of advice, reminders,
suggestions and, yes, corrections. It’s a matter of motivating them to
use their freedom and their other talents and endowments correctly.
Everyone passes through this
difficult stage, and so parents should readily understand what their
children are going through at this stage. Yes, they can draw from
their own experience, but they should also deeply realize that there
are new things that they really need to know so as to learn how to
handle them.
In this regard, parents
should always make it a point to create an atmosphere of harmony at
home. The idea is to make the home bright and cheerful, never gloomy
and tense. Regular and naturally established moments of dialogue and
family conversation, in meals and family get-togethers for example,
are a must.
It is in these moments that
the parents can closely monitor their children and listen to them so
as to understand them as well as to teach them. As much as possible,
these practices should become normal daily family activities, already
in place while the children are still young and very moldable. This
will prevent conflicts and war in the family when the children become
adolescents.
Very crucial for the
children to understand as early as possible is the value of faith and
religion, the need for prayer, the sacraments and virtues, the
development of the proper sense of rights, duties and
responsibilities, etc.
Children have to know the
value of time, the vital and intrinsic relation between work, study
and rest. They have to learn how to deal with their emotions and
passions. They have to realize the organic connection between freedom
and responsibility.
These have to be taught, of
course, in a gradual way, as in an inclined plane, always considering
the concrete conditions of the children and the circumstances of time
and place. In this regard, parents should be pro-active, taking the
initiative to plan the formative program of their children and not
wait for problems to arise before they move.
This is all worth the
effort. There’s no bigger concern to the parents than the proper
upbringing of their children.
Parents, of course, should
set good example first before they talk. Adolescents are most
sensitive and resentful when given lectures. But when they see their
parents walking their talk, they readily obey and follow. Actions
speaks louder than words.
Parents have to know how to
tackle the relevant issues affecting their children – pornography,
laziness and idleness, complacency, consumerism and materialism,
affections and affairs of the heart, human sexuality, the ‘barkada,’
etc.
In this regard, a certain
firmness and clarity has to be exercised even if affection and
understanding should never be lacking.
That’s why a good degree of
intimacy between parents and children should always be maintained and
developed. Parents should take the lead in this, always coming up with
initiatives – like planning excursions, eat-outs, fiestas, birthday
celebrations, etc., plus continuing personal chats. These things
should not be taken for granted.
The art of motivating
children should be mastered. Children need constant affirmations of
parental love.